Achingly Antagonistic

As my vacation slowly begins to dissolve into light melancholy dread I cannot seem to find any inspiration. Laziness is my guide and it's moving me steadily backwards. I have had days to write on here and to create sounds and images, but I cannot decide what to do. I feel blank and apathetic. Maybe it is the Christmas shopping... Maybe it is the exhaustion that comes from work. I just can't put my finger on it. I have been rejected this week by a couple little record companies, but I haven't really applied myself. First, I was considered to noisy and percussion heavy. I understand. My first release, Isolationist Soundscapes, is noisy, irritating, and primitively percussive. I do understand how that could be seen as to much for a mainly dark ambient company. What I do not like is being denied a chance by a dark noise company that did not even listen to my material. I sent a nice polite e-mail asking what format they would like a submission sent as. They asked what the music sounded like and I told them. They denied me without even listening. Am I trying to be denied? Is this a sign to myself to self publish? I am beginning to think so. I could easily put together a nice little press kit based on my 11 years of work and send it out to a multitude of diverse indy labels, but I haven't. I am thinking that my true intentions are out of reach and to demanding for most companies to deal with. I am wanting a very limited special art edition release of Isolationist Soundscapes. It is a primitive catalog of a very difficult time in my life. I feel to move forward I am almost obligated to release this album. I think my newer work would be more marketable and would fall into a category that would be less risky for a 'dark ambient' label to release, but without Soundscapes being out there (at least a little) I just can't progress. I think there is to much of me in it. I am thinking of just hand making and pressing an art edition and then just sending out my second release as a demo. If I do make a little record company I think I will just use my blog name. It would be nice and simple. I have been learning html so I could make my own little nifty website and everything. All that is really left to do is to get back to work and make it happen. I have pressing contacts I can use so I can make a fairly inexpensive art release. The only question now is how elaborate does one make an 11 year old work in progress? Next post: Informational Terrorism Transmissions vs. Intangible Spectrum